Saturday, November 17, 2012


Back in time....
Last night I went back in time, no Delorean, no 88 MPH, no flux capacitor. 
Since getting out of the Air force I've always had some sort of facial hair. First it was a bushy beard, then a goatee and my latest experiment a mustache that extends to the bottom of my jaw.  All of these require a certain degree of shaving.
If you've shopped for razors you know anymore everything is "disposable." and is not cheap. They still have the single blade Bic, usually good for one use if that, some other styles and features- four or five blades, replaceable  blades, ones that require batteries, have a single blade on the back for "fine trimming" and of course another trend is the moisturizing strip.  Finding a good razor to me can be a chore, but I do like a good shave when I do. I've even found a barber who will shave the back of my neck with a straight razor.
Tired of pouring over the many disposable razors, I'd decided it was time to go back to the double edged safety razor.  You can find the blades almost everywhere, but finding a razor itself is almost unheard of. I'm spoiled in some ways, I could have ordered a safety razor online, but I would rather wait to find one in a store so I could have it now. So after thinking a bit and looking online, last night I went back in time. During my online search I'd found a store would be opening soon at Polaris, "The Art of shaving" Call me narrow minded but I was just a shade hesitant to go in, it had the "boutique" look much to fancy for me, but after handing over several Jeffersons I walked out with a safety razor and 10 blades. Hopefully this will give me a great shave and end the battle of which throw away to buy.



Sunday, November 4, 2012

Seven


Seven
Seven months ago today a DR. yanked a catheter from my body and told me to sit down.  I was three days away from my 51st birthday and with one word my life was changed forever, some say my world was turned upside down. That word was cancer. 

As I sit here thinking about what to write I'm not focused on cancer but on the statement "my life was changed forever."   If an event occurs, such as cancer, that "changes my life forever" does that mean previous events that "changed my life forever" no longer have an impact on my life? I don't think so. 

Nearly 27 years ago I became a member of what I consider to be the oldest fraternity known to man.  I enlisted in the Air Force and became a Veteran, "my life was changed forever."  I served for roughly 6 years, 7 months and 14 days and will tell you as I have told many it was the best time of my life. I got to work ground support for Air Force One under Presidents Reagan and Bush Sr, ate bologna sandwiches with Barbra Bush and was sent TDY to provide ground support for Mike Dukakis who was running against George Sr.

Over 40 years ago I met a man named Paul Fox, he taught me to ride a unicycle and was like a father to me. He taught me things such as "catch your seat, attention is an impulse not an order"  and to "always keep two fingers together." Did this change my life forever? In a sense it did, whenever I watch olympic figure skating, gymnastics or the like I always find myself watching to see if the person is holding 2 fingers together.

Nearly 35 years ago "my life was changed forever," and it has stuck more than any other life changing event. On Feb. 18th, 1978 I accepted Jesus as my savior. It wasn't about attending a class, joining a church or what religion my parents were. It was a simple process of confessing to God I was a sinner, asking Him too forgive me and surrendering my life to Him. This was an event that truly "changed my life forever." Have I lived a perfect life since? No. This event not only changed my life, but gave me the assurance of eternal life.  

Has cancer "my life was changed forever" or "turned my world upside down?"  Maybe for now but as far as forever only time will tell.  

Some may wonder about the picture, it is a patch from my dads unit, he served with the 7th Army in Germany during WWll.  He was also a Marine during the Korean War. Since it was seven months ago I was diagnosed I thought "why not"

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Closing time ...Again.


"Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings' end."
That other beginnings' end is chemotherapy. On Monday July 16 I made a trip to MMMC/ the James  (Martha Morehouse Medical Center). The day included a CT Scan, some blood drawn, an MRI and finally a visit with my Oncologist.  

The blood work looked good, all of my numbers were up, the CT Scan and MRI showed nothing. 

The DR. Scheduled another appointment for 8 weeks later, 6 weeks after surgery to remove my bladder - the "new beginning" after the "other beginnings' end."
So what does this new beginning entail? For starters a trip to MMMC for a pre-op assessment, followed by surgery at the James Cancer Center to remove my bladder and reconstruct using my intestines. after surgery comes more time off for recovery, trips to MMMC for follow up and depending on how things go I will be back to work around the first of October. 

Things will not get back to normal when I do return to work, but rather a new normal.  Check back often or click  "follow" to keep up with whats going on. 

RS

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Wine and Roses....


Last Wednesday  I attended the funeral for my dads sister Wanda. On my dads side we were close to his brother Dick but not real close to his other siblings.  The last two times I saw my aunt Wanda was at her husband Bill's funeral in 2004 and at her daughter Linda's funeral in 2003.  With some thats how "family reunions" usually happen and usually was the case on my dad's side of the family. She was the last of my dads siblings alive and I found out about her passing because I tend to read the obits. 
Having not seen my aunt for some years I wondered how I would be received. I entered the parlor and was greeted by two ladies who had been taking care of my aunt. Marge, who lived next to my aunt for probably 35 years plus and Mary a high school friend of my cousin Linda. They helped my aunt in many ways, - looking after her, helping her make the move to an assisted living center and finally being with her when she passed. They were very gracious in talking with me and introducing me to people. They  along with a gentleman named Bill Stone made what could have been an awkward situation very pleasant.
There was one thing I found to be unique, We buried my aunt on Wed. July 18th, 2012.  It was on this same date in 1987 that we buried my dad. I usually try to write about my dad on this day, look for a post soon.
The rose in the picture is from my aunts casket, the wine bottle I bought (filled) on my first visit to Germany in 1986.
RS

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

A random Pic from Costa Rica...


Sometimes you don't know where to start. I think there is some sort of law that when you post on your blog and since this is post just some random thoughts I decided to grab a random picture from a trip to Costa Rica many years ago. 

I gave my nephew a ride to work and had to be up at 5:45 today, I hope to stay awake and maybe get some stuff done around the house.  So far I have cooked breakfast and completed part of a wellness activity online. The wellness activity is something I do to keep my health insurance benefits at a higher level, something I'm thankful for as I see the bills that are being paid at 100% for my chemo.
Yesterday I made a trip to MMMC/ the James, this may sound kind of weird but after not going down last week it was good to get there. As I've shared before I'd been going pretty much once or twice a week for 3 months now, you get to know a lot of people doing this.  Its not just because in a sense my life is in their hands, but they also become a part of your life.  I almost did not get to meet Carley, the lady who has been scheduling all of my x-rays, CT Scans and MRIs, she tracked me down as I was leaving the pavilion.  She said she felt like she knew me and wanted to connect a face with the name. 
Names seem to have always been a problem for me, there are however a lot of faces connected to this journey I'm on.  From the lady in the lobby telling me which window to check in at, the ladies drawing blood and giving me chemo, the DR. deciding on the treatment plan, to the people bringing me snacks and water on the 11th floor.  I may not always remember your name but you are an important part of this. 
As for the DR. visit, he said the CT Scan, MRI showed no changes, and my blood counts are all up where they should be.  I have an appointment after the surgery when the DR. will look at the pathology reports and decide if other treatments will be needed.
RS

Friday, July 13, 2012

I'm OK ....


I'm OK....
Since being diagnosed with Bladder Cancer on April 4th I have traveled to MMMC/ The James at least once a week, many times twice and on one occasion I made 3 trips to Columbus, Ohio in a week. 
2 weeks ago I completed my last cycle of chemo, and last week I went for hydration on Tuesday. This week I have no appointments. No chemo, blood draw, hydration, DR visits, CT Scan, X-ray, MRI, EKG... Nothing. I have said that I should probably call down there just to let them know I'm OK. I still may do that.
Chemo is only part of the journey, and having this week off has been good. Monday it's back to MMMC/The James for a CT Scan, blood draw, MRI and visit with the Oncologist. The following week I go for a pre-op assessment, followed by surgery on Aug, 3rd. 
For now I've got to find a pic to go with this post, look for more later.
R

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

It's Ok...

It's ok, it's part of the process. No one saw, just Jesus and me.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Another leg of the journey complete....

Another leg of the journey complete....
When I went in to begin my last cycle of chemotherapy on June 18th for some reason I was not real excited.  This turned out to be a good thing as my blood counts were low and my treatment was delayed a week.  Not being excited was a good thing because if you are not excited you don't have far to fall.  
Last Tuesday my blood counts were good and I was given my first of four infusions.  I was a bit excited about the blood work being OK but not real excited about getting up at 5:30 AM to make the drive to the city for the last infusions. I actually found myself wide awake at 4 AM. 
Traffic left me getting there right on time to check in but still a bit late for my 8 Am appointment.  I did not feel so bad because as I headed to the elevator for the 11th floor  I saw Judy the nurse who had given me most of my infusions. I told her to slow down because she would be waiting on me. 
My nephew Tom brought me sausage McMuffins when  he picked me up for the drive down and after I settled in, I added frosted strawberry pop tarts , a bagel with peanut butter and as lunch time neared a meat loaf sandwich.  
I watched the monitor on the IV pump finishing my last infusion, the timer ran out and Judy came in but there was still some left.  She reprogrammed it to run slow so I could make a much needed trip to the boys room. I returned got back in the bed and got my camera out in time to snap a picture of the monitor on the IV pump. It read .25ml.  Judy turned the pump off, removed the IV,  I put my shoes on and gathered my stuff. It was finished.
A few moments later several nurses returned with a certificate of my "Last chemo Day" signed by everyone working that day.   Another leg of the journey was not only finished but was "complete."  
The James Center is very well known for treating cancer but I feel the reason they have this reputation is not just for the work they do but also the people doing the work...

Friday, June 22, 2012

Motel Time!


Motel Time!
Some are looking at this picture and memories of closing time at the OK Cafe are coming back to mind.  The sign in this picture is probably the only thing left of what I consider a bygone era. 
Mo Mosure  was the "Proprietor" of the OK cafe. I remember seeing Moe's signature on a menu with the word "propprietor" below, it always sounded so formal but at the same time welcoming if that makes sense. I looked up the definition of proprietor and it simply means "the owner of a business or establishment"  Mo was a very likable guy and proprietor fit him much more than owner.
I read once that the OK was the first bar to open in Marion after the repeal of prohibition, and though I'm not old enough to remember this,  I do have many memories over the years. In the early years there  were two entrances on the front of the building, one going to the pizza shop and the other to the bar. Inside, between the two there was a opening where a pay phone hung on the wall, I'm guessing at one time this may have been stairs to the upper floors.  A large  carved wooden sign hung out front, it featured a crest, above read OK Cafe, and below "Omega Kappa Alpha Chapter." In those days OSUM (Ohio state University Marion)was very small and I doubt there were any fraternities in town, I often wondered what the tie was.
As a child I remember several times sitting at the bar eating a hamburger with my dad, usually it was in the afternoon and things were empty and quiet. 
As years went by I was able to go to the OK on my own, in the early days you could by Old Milwaukee for thirty-five cents a mug or a pitcher for $1.25.  It wasn't just about the beer, I remember going there many times after church on a Sunday night for pizza - and a beer.  
In 1991 while in the Air Force I came home for a week to celebrate my 30th birthday. Throughout the week I gathered with different friends but spent my actual birthday riding my motorcycle and ended the day eating pizza at there.  One Christmas while I was stationed in Germany some friends took a video camera into the OK and sent me a tape of greetings from friends and family who were there.  
As time goes on things change, the front of the bar was opened up across the front to include  the pizza shop, more and bigger windows were added and there was only one entrance. I think it was in 1993 when Mo died, there have been several different owners since then, all claiming to be just that - "owner." That may also explain why I've only been there 3 times since Mo passed away.
So what does this have to do with "Motel Time?" Some of you know, for those who don't at 12:45 every night Mo had this small club he would beat on the back of booths. He would then announce "It's motel time! You got 15 minutes, chug 'em if you love 'em lose 'em if you don't!"

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Snow Day....


Snow Day.....
Last Monday should have began my last cycle of chemo, some had been telling me over the weekend I should be excited.  But I wasn't. I was glad to be finishing but was not getting real excited, simply because I know the routine. The nausea, being tired, not knowing what to eat, drinking water and Gatorade until I drown. You know, "the routine."
Monday I made the trip to the Martha Morehouse Medical Center for a blood draw, DR. visit and chemo and as the song goes 2 out of three ain't bad - but not good enough. The DR had just mentioned that this, my last cycle of chemo, was like my "graduation day." Then a nurse came in and said the system that dones the blood tests kicked mine out for platelet count which meant they were either too high or low. The blood tests verified by a person and confirmed my platelets were low, which meant no chemo today.  The DR. speculated it may have been because I had been there the week before on a Tuesday and it had not been a complete 2 weeks. I was just barely under the minimum, but that still meant no chemo. 
I had an appointment with a Urologist the next day so it was decided that because I was so close to the minimum the count may be high enough the next day.  Some may have been disappointed but I wasn't, it was going to be an early day and I sort of felt like I had a "snow day" from school and my first thought was head up to the lake.  
I returned the next day to find that my platelets were still low and that my chemo would be pushed back another week .One of the first thoughts I had was that since I was not as excited as some thought I should be I did not have far to fall when the last cycle did not happen as scheduled.  My second thought was I had a snow week! Anytime you get a week off of school for  snow you got a blizzard which is why I've included the above picture, taken during the blizzard of 1978.
This is the third day of temperatures in the mid 90's and all of this typing about snow does not make things any cooler. Maybe I'll finally make that trip to the lake.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Closing time...


Closing time ...

Tomorrow begins cycle 4, my last scheduled cycle of chemo. Each cycle has brought changes as well as some constants.  All  of cycle one brought what seemed to be constant changes in nausea medicine trying to find the right one. I know constant change is an oxy moron. Cycle 2 seemed too be better with hydration after a week, and this morning I just feel like I've completely recovered from cycle 3.  
I sit here and think about cycle 4 with mixed feelings, and surprisingly I'm not real excited about tomorrow being the beginning of the end. The song "Closing Time" by Semisonic comes to mind, and one line in particular "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" seems to stick out.  The chemo ends but next on the agenda is surgery to remove and reconstruct my bladder. I'm not gonna miss the physical aspects of chemo but there have been some things that have been fun about going through it. 
When I made my first visit to the Urologist at the Martha Morehouse Medical Center (part of the James Center @ OSU), my nephew, Tommy rode down with me and my cousin Mary met us there. Mary took notes and asked questions and just like she said I sat there pretty much overwhelmed at everything the Dr was saying.  Afterwards she told me that I needed to get a folder with file pockets to keep all of my papers in. So I did and everyone who sees this is impressed with how organized I appear to be. Thanks Mary. 
This brings to mind another constant, my nephew Tom has been going with me to pretty much every appointment from the beginning. He takes notes, files papers, helps me to remember questions, makes sure I get my scripts filled... He's pretty much my personal assistant. I told him about the movie "Bucket List" and how I felt like Jack Nicholson who had a personal assistant in the movie who was interestingly named "Thomas."
We've got a routine. If we have a lot of questions or I've had a lot of problems I try to have them printed out.  Tommy comes to the house, usually I've put the file folder into the shoulder bag with my laptop, we talk about the day, Tommy grabs the bag and we head out.  I feel like the President,  my nephew wearing dark glasses  walking with me everyplace I go carrying this bag. The laptop and medical folder contain a very large chunk of my life.  It brings to mind the "Football"  you see someone carrying that supposedly contains the codes to launch a nuclear attack that is always with the President. 
Some of the constants of chemo can be fun. For now i think it's "Closing Time" 
I've had another though come to mind while typing this, check back for "Motel Time" 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Routine.... Yea right.


There's a bit of chill in the house as I sit here debating my morning "routine."  But truth is there is nothing routine about life with cancer. I did not sleep well last night, up several times to the bathroom and just not able to sleep. 
I think I'm up for a while now, I've weighed myself, checked my Blood Pressure and temp and now the routine is kind of on hold as I type. I look at the pill bottles thinking about the dreaded taste of that one antibiotic and the 6 others that go with it. I see the empty gatorade bottles scattered and remind myself to start drinking more or I'm gonna be in trouble. My desk is pretty much a total disarray, one cup with pens and pencils, another with coins, a glass coke bottle holding lancets from my glucose meter, a few live rounds, police scanner and my 9mm. 
I get up and walk around the room, not real sure if I'm looking for   inspiration or just something to write about. I glance at a photo collage on the wall, I see a picture of my mom and dad on their wedding day, my younger brother who passed away probably when I was 2, the last picture of me and Santa Clause. and finally, a picture of the "Loyal Order of AGE Guys. " Me and the 4 other guys from my first Air Force assignment at Fort Campbell, KY.  
There's nothing routine about cancer so I think i'm going to try and take those pills, get some food in me and go back to bed for a bit and try starting over....

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Third Time's a Charm....


This picture is where the best therapy a man could ask for begins,  on a boat leaving a dock as the sun sets.  Actually there is a tie in my book because some would argue that on a motorcycle in the wind is the best. I happen to like both when I can. Think about it, you've never seen a boat dock at the therapist office and if you see a motorcycle there it probably belongs to the DR. 
One key part of going through chemo is hydration -  I learned that is a two dollar word for drinking lots of water.  Another is eating weather you feel like it or not.  Today it took  2 people 3 attempts to get my IV started and they reminded me to drink lots of water tonight so it will be easier tomorrow. I also learned they had trouble with several other people. 
While online I read an article about a man who had been moved to the death house, he was scheduled to be executed tomorrow, and has since been given a two week reprieve.  I don't want this to be about the death penalty so don't waste our time going there.  I read the article because one thing that has intrigued me is the "last meal."

Tomorrow I will have 4 hours of chemo and I decided to try and "load up" for supper tonight. I went to Kroger and brought home the "managers special."  I got a nice steak, marked down to $2.29, nice slice of vanilla pudding ring cake, marked down to $0.49, small loaf of cheddar jalepino italian bread $0.89. Grill the perfect steak, toast the bread, add some macaroni salad, potato salad from the fridg, nuke the cake, drizzle some caramel topping over it and you have the "last meal" fifty years early. 
I haven't forgot the hydration part.  tonight I have drank 2 quarts of Gatorade and am finishing my fifth bottle of water.  Tomorrow is going to be a long day, but I think I'm ready for it.  
R

Monday, June 4, 2012

M&M Salad with breadsticks....


Today is the start of cycle three of four cycles of chemotherapy. It seems like I've had a lot more time to think over the past 2 weeks of cycle two, and as with anything that can be good or bad. The nausea did not seem to hit me as hard this time, I think the thing that helped most was forcing myself to eat and drink when I did not feel like it.  
I've always looked at this as a journey and as I type two key things come to mind, memories and inspiration. I could say motivation and call it M&M, and maybe get a letter from the legal department of the candy company.  
Sometimes it is little things that get you moving.  I'd been wanting salad and breadsticks for sometime, partly because it would be something lite to eat and partly for the memory.  I used to go to a place called Campus Pizza Chef to get salad and breadsticks, anyone who has been there knows their breadsticks and hot cheese sauce were the best. Some from Marion have never herd of Campus Pizza, some remember when it was located at the corner of Kensington and Mt. Vernon Ave. where an auto parts store and recently closed Blockbuster sit.  Older people like myself may remember its original location further east where a Subway and car rental agency are located.
One time while planning a trip to Florida it was suggested I bring some breadsticks from Pizza Chef.  It happened they would be open about the time I was leaving for the airport so I thought why not? I had maybe 10 orders of breadsticks with hot cheese sauce in 2 plastic containers. I could have made a lot of friends on that plane.  Another time dining in with my nephew I placed my order and when the waitress asked my nephew what he wanted he simply replied "my usual."   The waitress got this funny look as she had probably never seen either of us before and I simply said "he wants the same thing."  To this day my nephew still orders "my usual."

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Bubble off plumb...


Another day is near its end and although I feel a kind of off I do feel better than I did on this day of cycle one.  I think one thing that helped was having family around, my youngest  nephew came by and mowed the yard, my brother called a couple to talk and make sure I was doing ok. My sister was here, we cut up a couple melons and talked. I think we ate most of the watermelon. My oldest nephews wife Angi came by with some fresh cucumbers and a big bowl of macaroni salad made just how i like it. In the middle of this another friend Connie called and offered to drive probably 30 miles to mow my yard, but my nephew had already comitted.
We grilled some brats,had a good lunch along with some strawberry shortcake.  My youngest  nephew finished off the afternoon with haircuts.  The original plan was for Angi to even things out from my work last night.  My nephew did not have hair in the right places to join me in a mohawk but he did join me in getting the shave today. 
After everyone left I layed down for a nap, I woke up to find a note from my oldest nephew on my laptop. He has a key to the door and had stopped by to check on me.  Said I was out and he was gonna let me rest. 
It has been a long day and I think I'm gonna play a little guitar and try to get some sleep sometime tonight.
R

100% Past Tense... almost


Yesterday was day 2 of cycle two of my chemo, things were a little tense so I did not do any writing.  Some of you understand what I mean.  Ive gone through many different stages or events over the past 48 days since being diagnosed with bladder cancer. As I sit here pondering the various events I think back to my moms funeral when I shared that "it was the hardest thing I would ever do - until the next hardest thin came along. and God would carry me through that too."
I think the question of who got told first was hard, who got phone calls, E-mails, text messages, etc. I do know it was family first and in the process some may have felt the should have been informed differently.  We grow up and move on, best thing to do.
Yesterday was what I call a major event on this journey. As I sat here working at my desk I saw a few strands of hair on the keyboard. I ran my hand through my mohawk of 10 days (another major event) and grabbed a few more strands, finally I grabbed hold and pulled out a few clumps. The hair loss they siad might start after 3 weeks of chemo started in 2.  
For the first time going through all of this I cried.  Of all the events I think this made it more real than any. I felt like I was official cancer patient. I didn't cry  long, a friend of nearly 40 years Connie Yeater would be picking me up shortly to drive me to my chemo treatment.  
Of the 4 hats I've got, the English Driivers Cap seems to be the one people like most so i put it on went to my chemo treatment. Upon arrival I told them about the hair problem and asked if they got the wrong mix the day before.  We all laughed. I got home and about 8:30 and grabbed a beard trimer and tightened things up so I would not sit around pulling my hair out. My nephews wife, Angi will be by sometime to day to even things out.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Passed out with a President...




I'd just re-read a Blog post from Jan of 2011 I titled "Bucket list my Bucket," I'd wrote this after a long dreamed about attempt at snowboarding.  I think part of the push may have been from have been from watching the movie "The Bucket list." 
I'd seen the trailers for the movie and thought it was a movie I would actually go to a theatre and see - but didn't. I did buy the DVD, loved it and watched it many times before I was "diagnosed." I've watched the movie several times since being "diagnosed" and still love it.  As I type I'm sitting here looking at the box, one of the headers of a paragraph reads "You only live once, so why not go out in style?" This is the first time I remember reading this and I'm thinking how cool is that. 
I'm not planning on going out anytime soon but I find the idea of "going out in style"  to be an interesting thought.  Having cancer changes the way you and everyone around you looks at everything in life - past, present and even future. Sometimes you intentionally   look at things differently and other times it happens naturally.
I find I'm trying to take more pictures, and the other day at the Harding Memorial I found myself wanting something  different. I sat for a bit looking for that unique photo op, then I eventually sat down at the gate and while looking out at the traffic driving by decided that I did not need a photo op but just a different angle. So I laid  back on the step between 2 pillars pointed my camera skyward and clicked a few.
Cancer will change your life and the lives of those around you, the question is how will you let it change you're life?
R

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Oh Boy !




I have Cancer. There I said it - or at least typed it.  It's been a long time since I've posted on this Blog and I'm gonna try to get back into it. 
While having a cystoscopy performed in March of 2012 I heard the DR. utter two words. "Oh boy"  I'm not sure but my guess is in my mind I said "oh shit"!  The DR. told me about the tumors and was ready to do surgery the next day. Thanks to the hoops of our healthcare system the surgery was done 3 days later on a Friday.  
I was sent home with a catheter and returned the following Wednesday to have the catheter removed and hear the DR. say the word "cancer." The benefit of this was it got to the point and I did not have to ask what malignant or benign meant - always got the two confused. 
I have no idea what I will share as I try to get back into the habit of blogging.  It may be something going through my mind, how I'm feeling or totally off the wall.  All I can suggest is check back or subscribe and find out.
R